The D Word

I have mixed feelings about the “d” word!  I’m newly single and back in the dating world and I never really know what to do. Do I wear heels or do I wear flats?  Wait, how tall was he again? Should I wear my leggings? Too cliché? But I love my leggings! What about my skinny jeans?  Do these jeans make my legs look too skinny?  What about my butt?  Does my butt look good? Ok natural hair, don’t you fail me now! Does he even like natural hair?  Well, he asked me out and my hair was natural then so he must not mind a naturalista! Oh no, he wants to pick me up? What if he’s a creeper. I’ll just meet him there. Final glance in the mirror; ok I’m looking pretty good. Let’s go.

He wants to see a movie. Can’t we go somewhere and talk instead? I’d like to get to know him rather than sitting in this theater for 2 hours. Oh, he already bought the tickets.  Ok well, do we sit every other seat? Is he the type who likes to talk through the entire movie, predicting what’s going to happen next? Is he going to put his arm around me? Aw hell! He’s putting his arm around me.

Dating woes.

I kind of hate it. Although I thoroughly enjoy meeting new people, and listening to new perspectives and ideas, dating is giving me the blues. Also, I hate feeling that there’s an expectation afterwards.

So we’ve been on a few dates does that mean we’re dating?  And what’s the date to affection ratio?  Does that fact that he’s taken me out more than once automatically mean that we should be lovers; a kiss at least? Maybe just let him put his hand around my waist as we walk?  Really, what’s the rule?  One date equals a hug, two dates equal a kiss, and three dates equal some good loving? Or is the affection level measured by the amount of money spent on a date? If he spends a lot, should I feel obligated to give him some action?

If the date to affection ratio isn’t measured by the frequency of dates or the money spent then is it then measured by his thoughtfulness? He took me to see live music (which I love), we had great conversation over drinks (score), and the ambiance was amazing (winning)! Now what? Am I obligated to kiss and love on him just because he was thoughtful?  But what if I’m dating multiple people? Do I have to show all of them affection because they were all thoughtful?

What are the rules of dating?  Should it be 50/50? Meaning, one date he pays and the next date I pay? Or is it understood that if he asks me out he is going to handle the bill?

I have every right to move at my own pace.  My affection is not measured by his thoughtfulness or how many dates we’ve been on or how much money he spends. My displays of affections are solely measured by my comfort level. Additionally, I feel that when a man is pursuing woman it should not be a 50/50 kind of deal.  The dates don’t have to be expensive. Matter of fact, they can be free.  A trip to the park cost nothing (besides gas) and in return I am allowing you my time.

Maybe I’m old fashioned.


6 thoughts on “The D Word

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  1. YOU THINK TOO MUCH!!! I almost cried reading through all the questions. I think we make it more complicated than it needs to be. You know what you want, right? So you’ll notice it when it appears. Just be honest with yourself about what you want and what you no longer will allow (based off of prior experience).
    And you can’t base every experience with some dating method. No one is the same. Maybe you’ll have a better time just going with the flow. But what do I know. Dating is stupid.

  2. Pearl Girl- dating gives me the blues. Maybe I am over thinking it now since I haven’t done it in a while or maybe i’m just dating the wrong ones. I’m a fan of easy, low expectation dating. I know what I want but the one’s that I usually want usually end up being bad news bears, so i’ve been trying to open up to different options, which actually is making me bluer than before lol
    Rachel- thank you girl. Hope you stick around and read all my posts! 🙂

  3. Omg Shelly Shael, dating is sooooooooooooooo…. Cool, wonderful, overrated, the pits its just some much and still so simple… Remember your a Queen and he mist treat you as such, remember you also may have an attitude (maybe not you but I know I do) so he must be able to handle the psychos!!!

  4. Hey there good post… I like this part “One date equals a hug, two dates equal a kiss, and three dates equal some good loving”

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