Have you ever been cursed out by a 50 year old, white, gay, bipolar man, who is a diabetic, has had 3 heart attacks and had a partner who recently died?? Welp, I have… and I lived to tell about it. Trust me, it’s NOT pretty!!!
I’m currently working in an art gallery where the paintings retail for upwards of $2,000. My boss, bless his soul, is a raging lunatic; and I mean that in the most sincere, genuine and literal way possible.
My first few days of working, I was having a hard time grasping the concept that people would really buy art for $35,000 (and trust me they do). So admittedly, I was getting in my own way when it came to closing a sale. My boss, who is actually a monster (let’s call him Frankie… short for Frankenstein), was/is not my biggest fan. One fateful morning he called me into his office to give me a little “pep talk.” His words (and I quote) were as follows:
“Mishael, you’re gorgeous, you’re articulate, you’re well dressed but when you open your mouth, it all goes to shit.”
Then he just sat there and stared at me, waiting for my response. We both blank stared at each other for a couple of moments, obviously for different reasons, then he began again.
Frankie: You just want to sit somewhere and look pretty and let some rich man take care of you and tell you what to do. If you want to just be pretty then go fold clothes at Lucky Brand. You don’t just need to sell this art because it’s your JOB, but you need to sell this for your self esteem. You just want everyone to baby you and I won’t baby you.
(Wait… art sales boost self esteem now? Oh.)
Me: <<insert confused face here>> No, I actually don’t want anyone to baby me
Frankie: <<insert matter of fact face & vigorous head nod here>>Yes …you do…
Me: No… Actually, really I…I really don’t… <<still confused face>>
Frankie: But really… you do… <<more vigorous head nodding>>
Me in my head: I can see where this is going so let me just try and end this conversation
Me to Frankie: Frankie, I understand you want me to sell so I’ll try and do better.
Frankie:<<insert disgusted face here>> Ugh, Don’t try, just DO it…
Me: uhhh…Ok then… I’ll DO better
Frankie: <<insert even more disgusted face here>> UGH!!! Don’t talk about it just DO it.
Me in my head: HUH!! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY???
Me to Frankie: I know you’re trying to motivate me, I don’t want anyone to baby me so I’ll just do what I need to do.
Frankie: <<insert THE most disgusted face you’ve ever seen here>> Huh??? WHAT???? I can’t hear you over your whiny voice…
Me in my head: THIS MAN IS INSANE… Ok what do I say now? Is he Jedi Mind Tricking me? Am I in the Twilight Zone? <<Insert nervous hand movements and body twitches here>>
Me to Frankie: Uhhhhh…..
Frankie: Ok, I’m going to Starbucks, you want anything?
Me: Uhh, no…?? No thank you? …Sir???
My boss is insane. I had been employed for all of 10 days when we had this conversation and for 6 of those days he wasn’t even at work!! ::sigh:: That was just the first of many caffeine induced tirades that I’ve lived to tell about from Frankie.
This is my life people… I can’t make this stuff up, even if I tried. I just thought I’d share lol!!